Feelought or Theelings?!?

Sometimes I forget what I'm worrying about, but I know I was worrying because I can feel the ache in my heart.  Usually I forget because I'm distracted by some other thought process like how the kids have once again managed to get fingerprints all over the windows or I hear my phone inform me I've got a new text.  The physical angst I feel remains and reminds me to remember what I was worrying about.  So, I start working through the categories of my life like a checklist to relocate that area of concern.  This process always seems crazy to me.  It's amazing how my thoughts can move on but my feelings can remain,  and yet I insist on realigning my thoughts with my feelings.

But today I understood why this happens.  Climbing back into bed to wake my husband this morning, I felt disappointment.  I felt disappointment because my husband is an intensely focused, high performing man who runs on little to no sleep.  So when given the freedom to catch some zzz's, he becomes increasingly difficult to wake.  With me and the boys just selfishly wanting him to entertain us on a Saturday morning, I attempted to wake him but as I lay in bed beside him, I felt this strong rush of disappointment.  It was because of my previous experiences in this exact same scenario where I have left disappointed.  I had no reason for him to wake.  When there is a legitimate reason he always wakes, but when its just because, it isn't usually the same result.  I felt strong negative feelings and instantly my brain started thinking of all the reasons why he had disappointed me.  I had gone way back to "how some things will never change" and it only took an instant to pull the worn out movie reel in my mind.  For some reason this morning, I stopped myself with an epiphany.  Very aware of the physical discomfort caused by disappointment,  I realized my feelings and thoughts are not attached.  My brain is programmed as if they are.  I feel that gnawing in my gut and my thoughts begin to rationalize my feeling.  But what if I didn't have to ruin my Saturday morning by being mad at my husband?

What we did on Saturday morning as a family

Feelings are simply emotions that cause us to feel something physically, but I don't have to allow my thoughts to submit to my feelings.  While I'm not as convinced my feelings can be changed in a moment, I know my thoughts can be changed in a moment.  I believe feelings are a response to our experiences.  Whether positive or negative, how we felt about that experience in the past will determine how we feel in the future.  The only way to alter the feeling is to alter the thought process associated with those feelings. I felt disappointment today but I quickly stopped my thought process and remembered how grateful I am for my husband.  He never knew I had this moment.  In fact, he might feel like I've shared too much.  He did awake soon after and bring some entertainment for us.  We had a great morning that was not tainted by my bad mood.  But it was such a powerful tool to know that I don't have to ruin a moment, a day, a season because I feel a certain way.  I can preserve so much time in life by choosing my thought life.

So if life is about the pursuit of happiness, not simply being happy, this is a tool that will take time to master.  Today was my aha! moment but tomorrow will be a challenge just the same to apply it.  I'll get it right some days and I'll get it wrong others. Slowly I can master it.

We are designed to feel.  Don't stop shedding tears, bursting out in laughter, or gasping at great surprises.  Just know that your feelings and thoughts are not connected.  They aren't "feeloughts" or "theelings". They are two separate abilities with two separate purposes.

What's up with you?
When you apply this, let me know in comments how it works.  I often catch myself now saying I can control how I think about this scenario when my feelings tell me different.