Are You Breeding?

I've always used this belief - "familiarity breeds contempt"- to keep certain people at arms length.  I didn't want them to know my human tendencies- how I'm not really a night or a morning person, because I just like to sleep, or how when I get really passionate about a topic I become annoyingly difficult to hush, or how I simply fail, over and over again, to keep my husband's underwear drawer full.  You know, these "imperfections" we all confess to have, but if we don't show them then maybe we can keep the impression that they aren't really that bad, in comparison.

How I could see him.

I'm also very aware of how familiarity with my husband has caused me to see him a little differently too.  There were so many times in the early years of developing our business that he didn't produce results and I convinced myself that he was inefficient or unproductive.  (Yes, Baby, I was wrong. Music to your ears :)  At times I also struggled to buy into his unwavering loyalty to a vision.  It became easy for me to feel contempt for him.  Of course, I've never been a huge fan of his snoring or tendency to fall asleep anytime he sits still for more than 2 minutes.  So, I'm aware of how familiarity can lead to contempt.

What confuses me is that I don't believe familiarity is a bad thing.  We were created to be familiar with one another. Two are better than one. It's definitely the best design out there to have a life witness.  Procreation pretty much demands it.  (Don't over-think that one.)  So, if familiarity is not a bad thing, then why does it breed contempt?  Maybe the problem in this equation isn't the familiarity, but the contempt itself.  Perhaps the message here is to avoid the pitfall of contempt while entering into familiarity with another human.  This puts the onus on the one entering the familiarity.  In other words, it puts the responsibility back on me to avoid contempt in all my relationships.

How I choose to see him.

There is a way to protect yourself against contempt but it probably isn't the answer you are hoping for.  It's simple -- but not easy.  And while it may not feel like it, it is under your control.  It's a choice to see it differently -- to look at the things that could potentially annoy you and choose to find them endearing.  To find them different than you, but essential for you.  Why not just assume that this person is doing the best they can with what they’ve got.  There is great power in assuming the best about people.  Don't wait on a wake-up call like serious illness or separation to change your mind.

Yes, this definitely applies with my husband who takes such abuse by being the subject of my blogging.  Thank the Lord that he isn't afraid of being known and making himself familiar.  He's just smart enough to know that if one person has contempt for him, he can find someone else who doesn’t.  But this goes far beyond him, to people that I work for, people I work with, and people with whom I share my heart and life.  Trust me, they’ve got the goods on me.  Now, I've got to make good by guarding my heart against contempt.

This life tool is to not allow your thoughts to create a breeding ground for contempt towards others, especially those whom you intend to keep around for life.  It will protect you from missing out on what is designed to be your best.  Getting what you need from the most pivotal people in your life requires a little familiarity. So, they aren't perfect.  So what?!?